Let’s Talk Christmas..

Imagine if you will the perfect Christmas – you are the mummy booking all the Christmas events in time before they sell out, matching Christmas jumpers, matchings pjs, cards all written before December, all the shopping done / wrapped, all the things made / baked, volunteering for Christmas school events, planning the perfect Christmas day down to a tee, making sure everyone is catered for and happy. Jeez I feel breathless just writing that!

And just imagine that behind all this, the mummy is calm, together and stress free…….

Now let’s talk real life; while some mummy’s I’m sure are like this, calm and stress free, let me tell you a little secret….. this was ME and I was certainly not calm, stress free or ‘fine.’

Christmas for all who know me is by far my favourite time of year – the lights, the joy, the magic, family time and being cosy in pjs drinking hot chocolate.

I used to believe Christmas had to be perfect in every way, if we didn’t have Christmas bedding for the kiddos or matching family jumpers / pj’s it wouldn’t be the same. I would bust my balls to get everything picture perfect for those ‘perfect’ moments and ‘perfect’ pictures. I would get frustrated at not having planned all the things perfectly in line with my perfect schedule.

Did you notice how much I used the word ‘perfect’?

Now I wasn’t sure where this stemmed from exactly until I really took a step back and asked myself ‘Why’?

Is it all the must have items we see all over social media and adverts? Is it comparing ourselves to others and what they do? or perhaps it’s this idea of perfection / control in our own minds, if we don’t do all these things maybe it won’t be Christmas. So, let’s say it is the latter, what are we neglecting in ourselves? Is it something our inner child needs and is screaming out for? or is it something else we strive for?

Why did I feel like I needed all these things to make Christmas perfect? Why did I put so much pressure on myself for all of this? Then I stopped, looked inward and decided enough was enough.

I sat down with a hot cup of tea, pen and paper. I made sure there were no distractions and it was quiet. I asked myself again, why did I feel the need to have a picture-perfect Christmas and why did I feel the need to control every bit of this season and in fact most of my life?

As I started writing the words came pouring out…. My inner child needed love, cuddles, the offer to help and to be told I didn’t have to look after everyone all the time. I did not need to always have my guard up, refuse help, say yes to everything and put everyone and everything before me. The world would not crumble and nothing bad would happen if I just stopped, took some pressure off of me and let go of my insane need for perfectionism and control.

When these words appeared on my page, I read it and I cried. I cried with relief, I cried for my inner child needing that attention and love and I cried for me. All this held in emotion of control, perfectionism and isolation I had put myself through came pouring out in floods of tears.

To come to this realisation was incredibly powerful and I would encourage you to do the same for yourself for any aspect of your life. It’s truly life changing when you can sit with yourself and empower you to understand ‘you’ and your mind.

My son helped me put things into perspective too; I asked him what his favourite thing was about this time of year and his words were ‘Christmas morning because it’s just us all home together and Christmas dinner with all the family’. (you guys, just in case you didn’t know Christmas dinner is just one big roast or anything else you want it to be).

Now isn’t this what really matters…Our children, their memories and how they felt; the love, the smell of food cooking, the bed time stories, the magic you create leaving cookies out for Santa and food out for the reindeer. They do not need all the things we think they do to get that warm, loved feeling and those fabulous memories.

So yes, I’ve made Christmas puddings, chutney and booked Santa, but…… I gave myself plenty of time to do this without getting stressed, so I could enjoy the process. I have learnt to let go for the first time this year of us not having matching jumpers, pjs, or even Christmas bedding, because it does not matter.

I have let go of the need to control every single detail and I have let go of perfection.

Jeez what a relief.

Christmas is family, friends, joy, love, presence, hope, peace, the smell of cooking and looking for Santa on Christmas Eve. Its games, dancing in the kitchen, cuddles on the sofa, cookies, hot chocolate and decorating the tree.

So, my friends this festive season and going forward let go of perfectionism, let go of control and just be. Have faith and belief that everything will work out just as it is meant to, but most of all be present for yourself and your loved ones.

xxx

Written by Nicole Grant - Wednesday 14th December 2022